My Ramblings
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July 17th 2025 - 12:00pm
Feeling: Tired/Frazzled
Listening to: Liked Playlist, random mix of music
Hello from the other side of the world! I'm currently traveling for a filmmaking summit I'm going to soon, so I'm killing time at my layover airport. Longest layover I've had in a while- almost 6 hours for an hour long flight. Oh well. I like the food in the country I'm in, so my plans are to go and eat later. Yay!
Inbetween last entry and this entry hasn't been too crazy, lots of time sitting around relaxing and enjoying my summer. I hosted a tea party with my mom and invited a bunch of people, it was a lot of fun to sit around and use our tea sets. We usually have a day in December where we bake cookies and catch up, so it was nice to have one at the other half of the year. I won't lie though, it was exhausting setting up. We did a whole spread of cakes/sandwhiches/treats, with about half vegan for a friend. Definitely a blast, everyone enjoyed it so we agreed to do it again (if schedules allow us!)
I don't know why I put myself through "think about things and write them down" when I'm tired, I'm just realizing I really only slept 3 hours during the overnight period of my flight (which was 11.5 hours), so now I'm drawing blanks. A plane landed near the window I'm at, and watching people deboard was kind of fun. All of them walking along the tarmac like little ants, it is kind of neat. I saw a little boy hop like a monkey over to his dad in excitement and give his legs a hug. Very sweet. I'm going to use this time to pretend to be productive, try to update things here and there on this site, and then go hunt down some food. And maybe a nap! I'll catch you next time I catch you.
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July 7th 2025 - 4:00pm
Feeling: Peaceful/Resolute
Listening to:Hummingbird (Delux) by Local Natives
Hello again! Been a little bit, and not too long at all. I spent the past bit of time visiting and exploring Arizona, USA. Some of Phoenix (the state capital), more of Flagstaff, and did a day trip to the Grand Canyon. I have seen it before, a few years ago, but it still took my breath away. More easy hiking this time, we stayed near the visitor center on the Southern Rim and drove out to Desert View Watchtower, which was neat. It was a great trip to re-orient myself and my emotions, which I appreciated greatly. I'm also on a new CD hunting journey, I'll eventually make a section of my website to show off my finds. I found and purchased eleven, which were all lucky finds! I'm excited to have all of those in my posession now. I also saw some really amazing artwork, which I'll also create a page for. So much to do!
My next journey will be abroad, to Croatia for a summer camp/filmmaking intesive in nine days. It feels like it is too soon, but also a while away. I'll be gone for a bit, but have my computer to work, so we'll see if I feel compelled to update things here. When I get back, I have about five days before my work starts back up, which means I'll have to lock back in for a few months. While I love the summers off setup of a school environment, I dislike just about everything else. Oh well. In the meantime, I'm going to listen to a lot of music, pet my other cat a lot, and enjoy this cooler summer weather. Oh, and enjoy a tea party I'm having this weekend! Life can be messy, but sometimes it is a fun ride.
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June 25th 2025 - 8:30pm
Feeling: Conflicted/Resolute
Listening to:Pure Herione by Lorde
Today was an interesting day. I'm still mentally recovering from my week at Girls State, which means that my memory is still pretty shot and I'm exhausted most of the time. Could be that I'm sick and trying to get through that, not really sure though. I'm flying out for another trip in 2.5 days, so I think I'm conserving as much energy as I can before I really get moving again. This trip will be a lot more relaxing though, visiting people I care about and taking a little roadtrip with some people. It'll be fun, it's just... doing it, you know? Phew.
Anyway, I went to the dentist for the first time since some hazy time pre-Covid. I don't know exactly how long it has been, but its been a while, mostly because my old dentist retired. Can't help that, it was just slow going finding a new one. I learned today that I do in fact have cavities, and I'll be back in a few weeks to try to get them into a safe spot for long term. I took the information alright, even if I was bummed- I made it pretty far in my life without getting any! I was really stumped why it felt like I had failed though, especially considering it's a cavity, and not something larger that would require tooth removal. I think I got to a spot where I could realize that it was just a sign of me getting older, and that its okay. I felt like I let myself down, but fuck, it's a tooth. Its just teeth. For the life I have lived, they could be way worse off. So I'm trying to be kind to myself, and compassionate towards the child me I still harbor deep inside, and go "fuck it they're just teeth, be happy with how much you like them now". Because I do like them now. I had an older woman see my smile, and light up. She had the same smile when she was younger, same look and all. She had work done to make them more standardized, and she misses her old smile. I'll have to love my smile for her, and keep thinking about how older me would feel about all of this. What a mess. Thanks for tuning in.
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June 20th 2025 - 12:30pm
Feeling: Exhausted/Fulfilled
Listening to:Tango in the Night by Fleetwood Mac
Well. Here we are. Bit of time has passed, so I'll do what I can to catch you up.
The cat that I was talkng about before did pass away, she had a massive tumor around her bladder that just went undetected by other tests. June 11th was her last day here, and while those were some pretty miserable days for me, I've had some time to sit with those emotions and find a lot of peace. She had 15 years here with us, and she lived a really damn good life- what more could I ask for. She's out there now, somewhere, watching us from just beyond the tall grass in the corner of our backyard, and enjoying the sun. I'm happy for her for that.
On another note, I spent the last week at a program called Girls State. It's a program I attended in 2018, and was really life changing. It's a one week long program with one girl from every eligable high school in the state, and they come together to form mock governments at the city, county, and state level. There is something special about being in a space that is so inclusive, but also understanding- everyone there, delegates and staff alike, are/were high achieving kids. The kind of people that put more pressure on themselves than anything else to be something, and being able to interact with others like that is always amazing. This was my first year returning and being on staff, and while every day was 15+ hours of work, I wouldn't have it any other way. I was really apprehensive about going, especially after the passing of my cat, but an environment like this was exactly what I needed. I wish that I could share the experience and emotions with others, but it is something so specific, that doing so would likely negate the impact it has. I have a spot in my heart that I didn't realize was empty, and it is full again; simple as that. I look forward to attending again next year, my schedule allowing.
From here, I take a week to rest, keep my feet up, hug my friends and be there to listen to others. Then the next trip begins. Thanks for checking in.
Thank you Luna for the years. Rest easy crazy girl.
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June 5th 2025 - 11:30am
Feeling: Anxious/Riled
Listening to:Shaken By A Low Sound by Crooked Still
Using this for what it is for, right? Phew. Yesterday, woke up to one of my cats peeing blood- lots of it. We have two, so it wasn't clear who was doing it since they both have been acting the exact same. Took them to the vet to get checked out, and it turns out it was Luna, the one who is "my" cat. She is a bit mean, more standoffish than a typical cat, just a usual mean old lady now. Both cats are about 15 years old, so its natural to have health issues pop up, but this has been a scary one. Vet took labs and we should hear back either today or tomorrow regarding what could be wrong, but the waiting? Phew, pretty horrible. It could be anything from stress (we have had more squirrels in the backyard) to something serious like kidney disease or cancer, and now I'm just... stuck waiting. Thinking about it and doing nothing but waiting. Shes in good spirits, getting antibiotics and something for stress, but its been rough. I'm leaving town next week and am absolutely dreading thinking about what could happen while I'm gone. I guess I just control what I can.
Anyway, I've been watching a gameplay of The Last of Us Part 2, and I'm loving it. I wasn't thrilled with how S2 of the show ended, and was really uncertain if it was an adaptation issue or something else. Turns out its adaptation, which is a plesant surprise. I'll probbaly have more thoughts about that when I finish my watch up, its a kind of game that I don't doubt is amazing, but is so not what I like to play that I'd rather not. Hope you enjoy the album though, personal favorites are Ecstacy (no surprise) and Ain't No Grave. Enjoy.
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Edit; Vet called and turns out cats are fine, the one without any symptoms has slightly high kidney levels, so we'll start transitioning them to better kidney food. I definitely cried when I heard the news, it was a relief I didn't know I was waiting for.
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May 31st 2025 - 10pm
Feeling: Proud of what I've learned
Listening to:Parachutes by Coldplay
This is my first real post. How exciting! I've been dreaming of working on this, in some capacity, and now- here it is! Just a little over a month of working on this, with many sleepless nights a few nights of staying up way past my bedtime to prove that "Hey, I can really do this. And I am doing this." Pretty surreal, you know?
Anyway.
Things are pretty weird right now. I work at a school, and this next coming week is the end of the year. It wasn't my dream career to work at a school, and it still isn't, but a paycheck is a paycheck, and this is the only place that is really paying worth my degree. How sad to think about. I have some exciting summer plans coming up of traveling, both just for fun and for volunteering at various things. It'll be neat. I'm now slightly paralyzed with the reality that whatever I write here is on the internet, for all to see... what do I really want to put? I always have these grand ideas for what would be great to write, coming up with my manifestos and soapbox pitches, and then I get in front of a keyboard and... nothing. I guess it's just me not placing as high of a value on my own writing when it's in this sort of social, low stakes environment. I'll have more to say when I feel the inspiration hit, and then I'll just debate posting it at all. Thanks for reading.
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